‘Every new place comes with it’s own challenges. But more importantly with it’s own beauty. In Turkmenistan, for example… Blah blah blah…’
I’ve long lost count of the times I’ve been hearing myself repeat the mantra. Disappointing curious listeners hoping for some mucky stories about me getting ambushed by everything from assaulting men in the Middle East to poisonous snakes in Australia. Or at least about a few cyclist-hating drivers spraying me down with washer fluid.
I like to tell the happy tales. Partly because I have so many more of them. And partly… just because. That’s not what this post is about though. It’s about that first sentence.
‘Every new place comes with it’s own challenges.’
I could have written this post a week ago, and happily pointed out that this statement officially was no longer valid. Because except the occasional (OK, quite frequent) hill – New Zealand has zero challenges. For real.
Never before have I cycled through a place where the whole experience is totally comparable to spending a chill day, week or month sipping milkshakes on a perfectly puffy cloud, moving around in ideal speed above whatever view you fancy for the day.
Or so I thought.
Until last week. When I – for the first time – heard that ominous CAW CAW echoing from above, and got smacked in the back of my head by the horrendous flying demon that is currently my one and only arch enemy in this life.
Next time someone asks, there will be no more politician’s response.
‘What is the worst thing that’s happened to you on the road?’
I have one answer.
‘MAGPIES’.
Because magpies are the ultimate proof that there is no God. Or that if there is, he clearly isn’t a good person. Furious like Greek shepherd dogs. Vicious like Malay monkeys. Persistent like groping Vietnamese MC-douchebags. These guys (girls) have got it all. And they can fly.
We’re obviously doomed.
I remember the time (say two weeks ago) when I thought these birds were awesome. Amused I watched as they were outsmarting any cat around and strutted about with their full on bird swagger. And I mean they’re pretty enough, right?
No.
Not in nesting season.
I don’t even know how to begin to describe this new element of daily life on the road.
This is what ‘Birds of New Zealand’ sais:
“this now ubiquitous, introduced Australian songbird is loved by many and despised by most…it can be a considerable public nuisance during the breeding season, when it becomes highly aggressive, and will knock cyclists off their cycles and hit passing pedestrians on the head.”
What Youtube sais:
Haha. Do take 2 minutes to watch this! And let’s all try and appreciate not being the girl in the saddle at the moment.
What I say:
Thank you birds, for making me fall back in love with my helmet :-)
What I really say:
#%@!*^#%#<'@!!
And lastly. What the queen of all evil sais herself:
I mean. That this is what you find on Google sais it all?
Haha. I guess that’s all for now. Wish me luck going back to battle tomorrow!
Until next time,
Fredrika